Be careful what you wish for.
I remember the day I asked for exactly what I have now. After 10 years+, everything is alligning and no matter the level of difficulty I faced, the mistakes I made, the failures and successes I racked up either in or out of my favor, and the growing pains I endured … all of these things were meant to unfold exactly the way they did. And no one can ever convince me otherwise.
All along, I saw the bigger picture that no one else could have possibly seen, until now. And although there was a time I did, I don’t blame them for getting frustrated. For leaving me. For forsaking me. For fearing this process and for dousing me with tough love, boundaries and fear-based rage in response.
The resentment I felt towards others has been replaced with a deeper understanding and an empathetic nod in all directions. And after so long, I can’t express how amazing this feels.
What many failed to realize, however, is that this unraveling of self had to occur in order for me to reach this state of acceptance. If we are all mirrors to one another as soul mates on varying levels and if we see in others what we see in ourselves, then this means that my love, acceptance and understanding of others came about as a direct result of awarding myself the very same things.
And we all know, it wasn’t pretty at times. That is putting it lightly.
I have not arrived, for there is no arrival in this eternal journey back home, toward the authentic self. The word eternal speaks of a never-ending quest and personal evolution. I’ve leveled-up once again, only competing against who I was yesterday.
I like to see it as reaching plateaus where I can rest before setting off on another epic plot twist that requires little more than willingness, endurance, bravery and insatiable curiosity; all of which are harnessed within the hands of time.
A little more than 10 years ago, I prayed for 4 specific things to manifest in my life.
1. Get to the bottom of the mystery that surrounds Bipolar, Spiritual Emergencies and Psychosis in my family.
2. Help struggling addicts recover.
3. Show people what Magic really means.
4. Find my tribe.
I got exactly what I wished for and in the form of the infamous treasure hunt. Plus some. With plot twists. And the wisdom to realize that all these things are personal and subjective to each one of us.
I was granted access to my desires, not because they were altruistic in nature, but because the intention and willingness to endure each of these things, on a very personal level, was the foundation for each request. What we send out into this Universe usually comes back to us in some form, and sometimes how we least expect it, if we are willing to foster patience, put in honest effort and open our hearts, minds and hands to bear and receive fruit.
As the clocks tick toward October, my birthday, and the end of what I once called the ten-year curse, I am reminded of the importance in holding space for all to unravel, evolve and grow in their own timing, regardless of how chaotic and destructive it may seem. In fact, it is not only important, it is imperative.
With deep gratitude, I bow down to all involved, the powers that be and that which is radiating from within my being, past, future and present. Clarity reigns where judgement and regret cease to exist in this state of wisdom and deeper understanding of the bigger picture.