Hold Your Ground.

Yesterday, I had an odd experience at a Chakra Healing Meditation session that took place in a historic town among boulders and a river deposited from the last ice-age. I arrived 45 minutes early and chatted it up with the owner of the shop. He is intuitive and knew I had a vision board up and ready to be created. He urged me to start using it. I used to live in that village and we shared our experiences. It was a lot of fun talking with him. It took me about 6 months or more to get up the nerve to participate in their sessions, but yesterday I felt genuinely ecstatic about it and confident. It couldn’t have been more perfect timing and I was beyond grateful to be there because community in this setting is paramount. Everyone was in good spirits, flowing in and out of yoga classes, walking the street, chatting among strangers, etc.
….
A lady walks in and bee-lines straight to the back. Her energy introduced itself as an angry, pent-up rhino. I look up smile and say hello as I was doing with everyone. Immediately, I sense her vibe and she growled a hello at me. I tensed up and shifted my space away from her. I then asked her if she was the instructor for the meditation and she said stoically without looking at me, “Nope.” I thought maybe she’d introduce herself so I could too because I really dislike feeling un-welcomed in spaces like this. (my own issue)
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demons
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The intros begin as 5 of us gathered in the sunlit back room overlooking the rocks. Said lady was on the massage table, up high. We were all on the ground. As the intros were being made, everyone was shuffling. I like to sit up when I meditate for a lot of reasons. My legs tend to go numb so I have to shift my legs at times.
…..
I was full of excitement and anticipation and I was aware of this. I was pretty high energy at this point, admittedly.  As the instructor was going into what we’d be doing, talking about ‘releasing’ etc… The lady who’s vibe was shut down (I got the sense she wanted to assert her power over us, as an old-head to the space and not a noobie like us).
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I shift my legs, and suddenly she looks at me with arms up and interrupts the instructor, and shouts at me in front of everyone, “STOP IT!!!!!” She then looks at the instructor and says all frustrated and motioning circles around her head, “SHE’S ALL WONKY!!!” And then she looks back at me and demands, “She looks like she’s gonna cry, JUST RELEASE IT ALREADY!” I was so shocked, I just yelled back, “WHAT?!” Everyone was shocked. The instructor immediately told her to stop and reminded her that this session was about that exactly and that will come in time.
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I didn’t realize I had to walk in PERFECT!
Anyway, needless to say, I battled with telling her off for about 20 minutes into the session. “Bitch! You won’t keep me away! I should slap you!!!” all ran through my head until I finally decided to send love and understanding. Wasn’t easy!
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I am used to Buddhist-based recovery where all members treat everyone with complete and utter respect and compassion. This was a shock and it was a very acute lesson for me…almost a test to see if I had learned my lesson about not taking anything personally. I had to remind myself that this was about her, not me. And I wasn’t about to let someone I didn’t even know keep me from coming again when I had just walked in. Which is growth. In years past I would have run for the hills and never come back.
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As the instructor invited in the spirits of the Natives, I clearly heard three phrases, “Confidence, Stamina and Hold Your Ground.” She then performed Reiki on our crowns, and in my vision I saw a golden-hued hourglass that turned into two distinct, golden-hued diamonds side by side that then merged into one diamond in the center of my third eye.
….
After the intense session, where I did finally release some of the last of long-held grief, the instructor read a message for all of us that she received. It was pleasant and everyone seemed much calmer. The room cooled down after intense heat radiated throughout during. She went around and asked how we were all feeling. Of course everyone had great things to say. I began to panic. She got to me and I just sheepishly said, “I feel a bit anxious, to be honest.” She honored this and said for me to stay after so she could help me release that before I left.
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Everyone gathered to say goodbye and I couldn’t wait for that ladies energy to leave because I still didn’t know what her intentions were with me, specifically. She left with a smile directly at me and I instinctively knew that this wasn’t over with her.
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The instructor closed the doors again and sat me on a chair where she performed some more Reiki. I felt a wash of warmth throughout my body. Nothing was said. Then I heard a distinct message within, “Welcome to your new life.” I began to weep again as the sun hit my face and palms. And we started to talk through it. I admitted to her that I was very upset about that lady’s outburst and she confirmed that she needed love and helped me understand that she was going through her own stuff and that I needn’t take it personally.
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I confided in her and told her that I was being called to step it up and walk in this path confidently and humbly. I revealed my message. She was so touched, almost to tears. Then she was about to say something and stopped suddenly, pointing over her right shoulder.
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She smiled and nodded, “You’re a healer. I just got the message.” I simply agreed, even though that sometimes scares the shit out of me, because I never quite feel capable or ready for such things or what direction I will personally go. This was confirmed with another healer, as well, so it isn’t the first time I have heard it. I simply agreed and expressed my fears and frustrations with my past admittance.
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She encouraged me to trust that the next steps would be revealed. We left with a warm embrace and I took home a bag of calendula flowers, essential oils, and crystals.
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As I walked out the door I gave another dude a hug who participated and behind his shoulder the owner winked at me and pointed, “See you next week and no later.”
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I walked out refreshed and confident, excited that this tiny little sacred town was alive again, bustling with happy people and that I was a part of it. It was a renewal of sorts because when I lived there, the town was dead in the dead of winter and I felt like I was the only one there. It was lonely to say the least. But I knew I was meant to be there, as in every place I have ever lived since. I tend to be drawn to historic places that have sacred meaning and purpose. It’s just my thing and I take it all in, energetically and respectfully speaking.
In any case, this was a direct and acute learning lesson in not to let anything stand in my way or intimidate me out of my calling. I have come to the understanding that many are projecting and simply coming from a place of great pain when they react in such ways. There are times to take things seriously and apply what they say to your life, but more often than not, it is simply their own issue reflected onto you. We are all mirrors.
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It takes a certain amount of stamina and spiritual maturity to own your own energy and to sift through the energy of others, that you needn’t own. And it isn’t easy. Some comes to us as healing, some comes as a direct shift, and some comes to us as a distraction, and not to forget that some simply comes to us for pure enjoyment. If we see through the eyes of love, most of it can be harnessed or dispelled for greater good. However, not all needs to be addressed at all times. We need to take care in protecting ourselves first.
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Hold Your Ground.
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note to self

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