A lot of personal ephinanies lately and I’m really grateful for them even if they’re hard to hear or seem like “duh” moments. Not only am I realizing, but I am also internalizing the truth that my old bad-ass, fearful, hard, angry and reactive (even cynical) exterior, that believed fierce independence was strength, was simply a learned defense for the heart that truly lies beneath it all.
A heart that couldn’t bare to lose one more time after loving so deeply in the midst of chaos, whether I brought it or not. I am not that person … not wholly. Barely, actually. It took a long time to even see my shadow after a lifetime of neglecting it. It needed to be recognized, nurtured and soothed. And the only way to do that was allow it to see the light and fully express itself. It isn’t really until then that we are able to truly distinguish btw. the two and integrate both.
I am not here to apologize for it, nor am I here to say that it’s forever dispelled. I am simply recognizing my true nature and getting back to the basics of the core truth of peace and wisdom that is at the center of my being. It feels good to truly know it and embrace it. It just dawned on me today to deeply look within and slow down, silencing all static from the percieved expectations of this world … more deeply than I ever have before … to listen to my heart and soul without judgement and realize that this is who I truly am. At the core, there is only love and acceptance.
“Hello, old heart, it’s nice to see you again. I have missed you.”